A eulogy for my dad

On Saturday, loved ones and friends celebrated my dad’s life in a beautiful memorial where God moved powerfully.

I’d love to share my eulogy with you:

I’ve been thinking about this day, and particularly this speech, a lot over the past month. I love to write speeches and my dad loved them, too, but when I’ve thought about the enormity of writing a speech about my dad, I haven’t known where to start.

So I asked God, “God, what do you want me to write? What do you want me to say? What memories do you want me to share? Help me.” On Monday night, I sat down to write and I had nothing. So I put my laptop away and went to a friend’s. On Tuesday at work, I randomly opened up a book to a page and a sentence jumped out at me. “Oh, you want me to share this, God?” I asked. Pieces were coming together. On Wednesday, I sat down with some of our staff to finalize plans for this morning’s Celebration of Life and Lynn began telling me about Rich Mullins, the singer of “Our God is an Awesome God,” the song we just sang. My dad had asked that that song be included in his Celebration of Life. I had never heard of Rich Mullins, but Lynn said he passed away at a young age in a car accident and that he had always told his friends and family that he couldn’t wait to get to Heaven. He also had the name Rich, like my dad, which I thought was pretty neat. Growing up, my dad would always talk about Jesus and Heaven, too.

On Wednesday night, I sat down again to write and asked God for his help. All of a sudden, Lynn’s comment about Rich Mullins popped into my head, so I began researching his life. Then, all of a sudden, the word Ragamuffin popped in my head. Three years ago, my dad asked me to watch a movie called “Ragamuffin.” He told me about it all of the time and even bought me the DVD. My dad said the movie would give me insight into his life because he resonated with the main character. But my parents had just gotten divorced at that point and I was very angry so I didn’t watch it. I just threw it aside. On Wednesday night, the word Ragamuffin popped in my mind, though, so I Googled the movie. You wouldn’t believe what I saw. Stretched across the computer screen was a copy of the DVD cover and the words “Ragamuffin — Based on the life of Rich Mullins.” WHAT?!

So on Wednesday night, instead of writing my speech yet again, I finally honored my dad’s wishes and popped in the Ragamuffin DVD. Movies were always my dad and I’s thing — we’d go to the theater, buy a large tub of popcorn, my dad always got a Coke and we’d watch a movie together — sometimes we’d even go see a second movie, too. Movies spoke to the deepest part of our hearts. We’d laugh and cry and pull out life lessons from almost every film. We saw God in everything. Ever since I was a little girl, I loved holding my dad’s hand and being there together as we threw ourselves into the characters’ stories.

So on Wednesday, in another sort of way, I got to have a movie date night with my dad. And the feature film this time was “Ragamuffin.”

My dad is the silliest, most brilliant, most well-read, worst dancer I know. Some of my favorite memories are of my dad busting out (really bad) dance moves in our living room. He would get this huge grin on his face and raise his long arms and he would kind of look like a chicken mixed with a gorilla — trying to dance. But the look on his face was so silly and so free and we loved every minute. We took the train down last summer to Chicago for our last concert together at the Goo Goo Dolls. From the instant the music began, my dad jumped and danced and everyone around him fell in love with his unique dance moves. My dad is hard to miss in a crowd.

From the time Michael and I were little, my dad would constantly read to us. There are so many pictures with us, even as babies, next to my dad reading the newspaper or a book. My dad read constantly — he was truly brilliant — and he passed that love of learning on to us. It is a beautiful gift.

In 2011, my dad was diagnosed with his first brain tumor. It was a size of a grapefruit and it was scary. I was terrified to lose him. On the day of surgery, I was convinced he was going to die. As we were in the waiting room, my aunt Kim decided to randomly open her Bible and she came across the verse in Proverbs 9:11, “For through me your days will be many and years will be added to your life.” It was so comforting to us, a message straight from God. My dad made it through not just one, but five brain tumor surgeries and I am convinced that God really did add years to his life.

In February, my dad had his fifth brain surgery. This one was different than the others because he had a stroke during it resulting in near paralysis of his left side. My brother and I had the privilege to be a part of my dad’s recovery. We stayed with him at the hospital for a few weeks and visited him a few times a week at two rehab facilities over the past four months. When I would visit, I would sometimes play worship music and this one song called “Do It Again” became my dad’s anthem. He loved it. He’d ask, “Could you play that one song?” I ended up playing it nearly every time I visited him. Sometimes he would cry, sometimes he would sing, sometimes he would seem to be filled with this profound peace. Sometimes we would sing with his caregivers and nurses. It was like Heaven was touching earth when we would sing that song. We would also pray and we would pray that my dad’s body would go back to its original design and miraculous things happened. By the time he went home, my dad was walking with a cane. His left arm, which doctors said wouldn’t heal due to atrophy, started to lift on its own. I have been astounded by the miracles our family has seen.

My dad would say his faith got him through his brain tumors. He knew the Bible more than anyone I’ve ever known. As little kids, he was constantly pointing my brother and I to Jesus. He fell in love with Jesus in his 30s and it really characterized his life. My dad honestly had a really tough battle throughout life — from his childhood all the way through — but his faith was unwavering and he always had this hope for eternity. He couldn’t wait to be with Jesus.

When my dad was younger, he loved to run. He would run all of the time. He would wake up in the middle of the night and run. When he would tie his shoelaces, he would start to sweat because his body knew he was going to run. I was reminded of this when I randomly opened a book on Tuesday and read these words from Isaiah 40:28–31:

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

I love picturing my Dad running in Heaven with Jesus. I love picturing his arm and leg fully healed. I love picturing him walking in nature and I love picturing him dancing. I love picturing him laughing and I love picturing him completely free. No fear, no pain, no tumors. Just love.

And for the rest of us who are still on earth, who go through loss like this, I love that this verse applies to us, too. The past month has been one of the hardest in my life. I have been heartbroken and weary and uncertain — but as I see God weave things together I am astounded by His goodness and love. I miss my dad so much but I trust my God. Hope is firm assurance when we do not see and when we have hope in God, he literally gives us strength that makes no natural sense.

As I watched Ragamuffin on Wednesday night, I was amazed at the similarities between the main character and my dad. The main character’s dad was pretty tough on him as a child so he grew up thinking God was angry and disappointed in him, too. Later on, he meets a pastor who opens his eyes to the possibility that God is actually loving and kind.

There are a few lines in the movie that I think, if my dad were here today, he would like to share with you:

It always cracks me up when people try to impress God because you don’t have to impress God. He’s already knocked out by you.

I am convinced that on the last day, the Lord Jesus will ask one question and only one question —

Did you believe that I loved you? That I desired you? That I waited for you day after day? That I longed to hear the sound of your voice?

I dare you to trust that I love you. Just as you are. Not as you should be. Because none of us are as we should be.

God takes the messiness and the ugliness in our lives and he makes the most beautiful art out of it.

Today, we celebrate one of the most beautiful pieces of art in my life — my dad. Thank you so much for being on life’s journey with him and with our family.