A glimpse into Heaven

Everyone in my family has multiple nicknames. I call my brother “Brother Bear” (sorry bro for sharing that with the world) and he calls me “Sister Seal” (a bear is more appealing than a seal, don’t you think?) My mom, brother and I now call each other “The Tri.” We had tons of nicknames for my dad too — Rich the Weather Guy, Underwear Man (don’t ask), and Daddy-O-Daley were just a few. My dad’s nicknames for me were Lover Lou and Honey.

Ever since my dad passed away in May, I’ve been asking God to show me Heaven. I desperately want to see my dad there, whole and happy. I want to see him without brain tumors. I want to see him without paralysis. I want to see him without pain. With my pillow drenched in tears, I have pleaded to God over and over to show me Heaven so I would know my dad is okay.

This week, I had the opportunity to travel downstate to another church for a conference they were hosting. Before the conference began, I journaled to God and asked him for everything I could think of — that I would know His love more deeply, that he would renew my mind, and that he would heal my grief were at the top of my list. I entered the conference with great expectancy and hope and it was a beautiful week. God showed up in powerful ways for so many people. He set lots of people free. Personally, he taught me things I had never noticed before. I woke up this morning overflowing with gratitude.

Yesterday, I noticed a man who looked just like my dad and I secretly wanted to meet him. As I was leaving the conference this morning, there he was with his wife. “Would it be weird if I asked to get a picture with him?” I asked my friend. She encouraged me to go for it so I did.

“This is really weird,” I started. “But my dad passed away in May and you look just like him. Could I get a picture with you?” “Sure,” he said and I started crying. Tears spilled. He asked, “Can I give you a hug?” and as he hugged me, deep sobs came out. I cried and cried and cried. It was like hugging my dad who was no longer here. What a gift. But then God had something even more in store.

It may sound a bit different, but God still speaks to us today. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can actually have a conversation with God. In John 10:27, Jesus says, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me.” Jesus is our shepherd and we are his sheep. We can actually know his voice. As we grow in intimacy with God, we learn what that’s like. God does speak through the Bible, but he also speaks to us today through the Holy Spirit in a variety of ways. Knowing his voice helps us follow him.

As I cried in the man’s arms, he prayed silently and asked God what he was saying. Then he shared this with me: “Honey, it’s better than you can believe. God wants you to know your dad is okay. It’s going to be the hardest thing in life to trust he’s okay, but he’s okay. And he misses you, too.”

This kind man didn’t know what I had been praying for the past nine months. But God did. He answered my prayer with words I had longed to hear from the face of a man who looked just like my dad. And it was all wrapped up in a hug with the word “Honey” — my dad’s nickname for me.

I probably sobbed for five minutes straight. The man who looked like my dad reminded me that I’ll get to hug my dad like that again one day. He also smiled and said, “And now I have a new daughter.” We exchanged contact information and he said, “Now you have two dads!”

This is the God of the universe. I used to think God was angry and disappointed in me. Even in my grieving — I felt like God wanted me to “just get over it already.” But that’s not true. The God of the universe will send me to a conference where I will encounter a man who looks just like the person I lost and that person will tell me that my dad is okay. THIS is God. He sees your every longing. He weeps when you weep. He laughs when you laugh. He delights in you. He loves how he created you. He cares about your future. He created a destiny for you to run into. He heals your heart. He brings you into freedom. He is setting things up right now behind the scenes that you can’t even dream of. He is the lover of your soul. Things may look bleak right now, but don’t lose hope yet. Press on one more day. And one more. And one more. And keep crying out to God. Lean into him. Write to him. Speak to him. Rest with him. And keep your eyes open because he’s doing things all around you.

As I drove into my parking spot after the long drive home tonight, I finished a podcast by Louie Giglio. As he closed his message, he compared life to a beautiful canvas that we only see one small part of. God sees the full thing and we can trust him. We can trust God in the messy middle. Then Louie said something that made me put down my bags before I went up the stairs. He said, it’s like God is saying to us, “Baby girl, it’s much bigger and more beautiful than you realize.”

I nodded my head and smiled as one more tear fell down my cheek — because God had told me the very same thing just hours before.

It’s much bigger and more beautiful than we realize.

Joyfully,
Lauren