How God spoke to me through Star Wars: Episode IX
A few friends had an extra ticket to Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker last weekend and invited me to join them. Now, you must know that I have only seen maybe half of one of the Star Wars movies in my entire life and I have no concept of the plot line, characters, or history. But I felt a nudge in my spirit so I decided to go. Plus, I sure do love popcorn.
Guys, I was blown away. I picked up on the story pretty quickly and realized who was good and who was bad and who was related to who. I only had a couple of lingering questions at the end, to which my friends happily explained what I had missed from previous movies. The film absolutely captured my heart and God spoke to me in so many ways through it. And I didn’t realize J.J. Abrams was the director and he killed it in Alias so I should have known this movie would be good. I just didn’t realize it would be this good.
Note: If you haven’t seen the movie and plan to see it, stop reading now. Spoiler alert ahead. Come back after you’ve seen it to read the rest :)
For those of us non-Star Wars goers, the movie centers around a girl named Rey and her friends. As Rey is about to embark on her journey, her trainer Leia says, “Rey, don’t be afraid of who you are.” When she said this, my heart jumped. I’ve come to learn that sometimes my heart will quicken when God is speaking to me, so I took note and continued to watch.
As the movie goes on, Rey learns that she is Palpatine’s (bad guy) granddaughter. She has a vision of herself on the (evil) throne and it freaks her out.
In a pivotal scene, she says, “I saw myself on the dark throne. I won’t let it happen. I’m never leaving this place. I’m doing what you did.”
Luke Skywalker: “I was wrong. It was fear that kept me here. What are you most afraid of?”
Rey: [after a long pause] “Myself.”
Luke Skywalker: “Because, you’re a Palpatine? Leia knew it, too.”
Rey: “She didn’t tell me. She still trained me.”
Luke Skywalker: “Because she saw your spirit. Your heart. Rey, some things are stronger than blood. Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi. Your destiny. If you don’t face Palpatine, it will mean the end of the Jedi, and the war will be lost.”
Over the past few weeks, I’ve felt like I’ve been wrestling internally. It’s difficult to describe in words, but I’ve felt angst and an unsettled feeling in my soul. I opened to Genesis 32 the other day and read the title on the page: “Jacob Wrestles with God.”
In the story, Jacob takes his wife, kids and possessions and goes back home. This seems like it should be an exciting time, but Jacob is afraid. Twenty years prior, he stole from his brother and then ran away from home fearing for his life. What would his brother do when he saw him? Would he be safe? Would his family be protected?
Jacob and his family approach a river called Jabbok and Jacob sends his family and possessions across the river. He decides to stay overnight on the other side before crossing, and the story says he wrestles a man all night. We later learn that the man is actually God. Jacob won’t let go until God blesses him. When Jacob finally surrenders, God changes Jacob’s name to Israel redefining his identity and blesses him. When Jacob meets his brother the next day, his brother embraces him. His brother had forgiven him a long time ago and Jacob had nothing to fear.
In Star Wars IX, Rey and her friends come from a shady past. Rey is in the lineage of the “evil bad guys.” Her friend Poe was a spice runner (I’m still not exactly sure what that is but it’s not a great thing). Her friend Finn was a stormtrooper (also not a good thing).
Whether we like to admit it or not, we come from a shady past, too. We haven’t always made the best decisions. Sometimes we’ve been selfish or cruel. Sometimes we’ve been impatient. Sometimes we have hurt others. Sometimes we’ve deceived people or put up walls of self-protection. When we really think about it, about who we really are and what we have done, aren’t we, like Rey, afraid of ourselves? Isn’t there this deep, nagging sense of shame when we really stop to think about who we are?
Let’s circle back to those scenes — Leia comes in with some killer wisdom for Rey — “Don’t be afraid of who you are.” And Luke says, “She saw your spirit. Your heart. Rey, some things are stronger than blood. Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi. Your destiny.”
I don’t know about you, but I tend to run away from things I’m afraid of. But what if confronting fear is our destiny, too? What if on the other side of our fear is exactly what we’ve been looking for all along?
As I’ve been wrestling I realized, like Rey, that my deepest fear has been myself. For much of my life, I have criticized the parts of me I didn’t like —which led to a need to get everything right, the desire to be perfect, the dream to “have it all together,” and an inability to be vulnerable with people. These were fortified as voices inside would say to me, “You’re not perfect. That was the wrong decision. You’re missing the mark. Try harder. Do more.”
You know what, though? I am not perfect. I do make wrong decisions. I do miss the mark. Sometimes I will try hard in my own strength and then I burn out. Sometimes I’ll do and do and do and not be satisfied. These things are actually true.
And you know what? This is the reason Jesus came. Jesus fulfilled everything I cannot be. Jesus fulfilled everything I cannot do. He is the answer to the perfection problem. He is the answer to the shame problem. He’s the solution to the identity problem. He is the key to everything.
Jacob wrestled God and when he finally surrendered, God blessed him and gave him a new identity. I wrestled myself and when I finally surrendered and admitted my imperfection, Jesus rushed in and reminded me who I am. When I fused my life with Jesus by accepting his love and deciding to follow him, 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that I became a new creation with a new identity. All of my mess is washed away because Jesus took residence in me. It may not feel that way, but that’s where faith comes in — believing what we cannot see or feel. God didn’t just take the mess away, he also let me become His daughter — chosen, adopted, loved. He also gave me His Holy Spirit who teaches, guides and helps me believe that I am chosen, not rejected, whole and loved. And as I am on the journey to believing this, Jesus is patient and loves me right where I am at. And because he is patient, I can be patient with myself.
When we take a look in the mirror, we may not like what we see. We may see our faults. We may see the way we’ve messed up. We may feel afraid to face our deepest insecurities. We may have to do some wrestling before we’re able to accept God’s love and love ourselves. But on the other side of that wrestle is something really, really beautiful.
Just as Rey wrestled herself and ultimately realized her new identity was a Jedi, our story is the same. Our true identity is not our past. It’s not our behavior. It’s not our failure. It’s not even our successes. Our identity is completely loved, completely chosen, completely accepted sons and daughters of God.
What will it take for you to believe you are a Jedi?
Joyfully,
Lauren
