Vulnerability is the gateway to freedom
I’m not sure how your Thanksgiving was this year, but mine was sub-par. Don’t get me wrong — our family gathered together and we ate turkey and stuffing and my cousin’s famous pumpkin pie — but something felt different this year. Conversations felt shallow. Connections felt weak. It almost felt, in some ways, like our family didn’t know each other anymore.
To be fair, I may be a little too critical here. My mom has six siblings so I grew up with tons and tons of cousins, and every Sunday we all gathered together at my grandparents’ house. Now most of my cousins are in their 20s and 30s so we don’t get together as often. So that could be why I felt a lack of connection. Still, something felt a bit off this Thanksgiving.
One of my cousins just returned from an incredible six-week trip to Africa. She flew into Chicago and asked if we could all get together this weekend, so we made plans for brunch on Saturday. To tell you the truth, I didn’t really want to go. If it was going to be a repeat of Thanksgiving, I thought it would just be a waste of time. But last minute, I made the decision to go.
I’m so glad I did.
We sat down at this cute trendy breakfast spot in the city, scanned our menus and gave the waitress our orders. Then my cousin Brad essentially called for a wedding toast. Well, not literally — but he did say he had something to say.
“I want to challenge us as a family to be more vulnerable in 2020,” he started. “I want to know what’s really going on in your lives. I know it’s hard to open up and be vulnerable, but we’re family and that’s what family is for. Thanksgiving felt a bit shallow this year. Let’s be vulnerable with each other this coming year.”
Before I knew it, Brad began sharing what was really going on in his life and heart, and then my cousin Christian followed, and then my brother, and then my cousin Jen, and then me, and then my cousins Jillian and Kiersten. Four hours later (literally), everyone had shared and we felt closer than ever. We took time to encourage one another and then Brad gave us an assignment.
“In the next 10 days,” he said. “Based on what you shared, what one step are you going to take to move closer toward your goals?” And we all went around the circle and shared one step we would make. Then he said, “Pick one person at this table to check in with in the next 10 days.” And we all went around and picked one person to check in with, encourage, and be accountable to.
That breakfast was a game changer for me.
There is a lot of talk about a love revolution coming to our country in 2020. It is a revival of love where people understand how fully loved they are by the God of the universe and through other people. Yesterday at brunch, I told my cousins about this love revolution and they looked at me kind of funny. It’s a bit hard to explain — but a lot of people are talking about this revival that’s on the horizon — and I can sense it in my bones.
And yesterday, I realized how it’s going to happen.
This revolution of love is going to begin as we…
Become vulnerable with ourselves and with others.
True connection with God, self and others cannot exist unless we’re brutally honest. It’s so opposite of our perfect social media lives and shallow “How are you? I’m doing good” conversations, but vulnerability is the only way to allow ourselves to be truly known and loved. It’s definitely not comfortable and in some ways, it’s outside of the norm of society, but it is worth it. It is the key to our loneliness epidemic, our anxiety epidemic, and our addiction epidemic. Healing is in the connection. Healing is in the connection with God, with ourselves and with others.
I’ve been fascinated by Adam and Eve lately. When they ate the apple in Genesis chapter 3, the first thing they felt was shame and the first thing they did was hide. How many of us deep down feel shame about who we are? When we’re completely honest, how many of us feel like we’re not good enough? And how many of us hide? How many of us hide from ourselves, God, and others because of this? Why? Isn’t it because we feel shame?
Ready for a real game changer? This changed everything for me. When Jesus died on the cross and resurrected, he not only took our sin (which causes us to hide from God), but he also took our shame (our feeling of unworthiness). In Genesis 3, God doesn’t hide from Adam and Eve. He doesn’t run away from them because he can’t handle their sin. Instead, he moves toward them. He works to re-establish the connection with them. They are the ones who say, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked” (Genesis 3:19). God moves toward them and asks, “Who told you that you were naked?” It’s like he’s saying, “Who told you to feel shame? — Because it wasn’t from me.” He pursues them to restore their friendship and even makes clothes to cover their shame. This is a foretelling of Jesus who came to conquer our shame once and for all on the cross. “Those who look to him are radiant and their faces are never covered with shame” (Psalm 34:5).
The enemy of our souls will tell us that we are unworthy. Unworthy to be seen, to be truly known, to be heard, to be loved. But those are lies from the pit of hell. We are worthy of love. We are worthy of being heard. We are worthy of being truly known. We are worthy of connection. Jesus came to restore all of that, actually. The invitation is open and it’s ours for the taking.
And how does it start? My wise (and much older — haha, just kidding!) cousin Brad says, “We go first.” We choose to go first, to be vulnerable, to share where we’re really at. We go first by telling ourselves the truth, by telling God the truth, and by telling others the truth. And where we’re at is perfectly okay because it’s real and God can work with that. That’s when the transformation can really happen.
This week, inspired by Brad, I also want to challenge you to three things:
- Take 15 minutes by yourself. Sit in a comfy spot, maybe make some tea, and take a few deep breaths. Then ask God or yourself, “How am I really doing in this season? How is my connection with myself, with God and with others?” Remember, there is no shame in this. Jesus already came and dealt with that. It’s just a check up like a physical at the doctor’s office or a phone call with a friend.
- Tell someone. Even if your connection is off the charts good, tell one person you trust. If you’re feeling disconnected, share that, too. Go first.
- Pause and ask the Holy Spirit what he thinks of you. The Holy Spirit is God with us, our comforter, our friend. What he says will be encouraging, affirming and loving — if it’s not, it’s not from him! He may put a picture or image in your mind, some words may come to mind or a Bible verse, or you may notice something in nature. Write down what you sense he is saying. Look at what you wrote before you go to bed three times this week.
Bonus challenge: Do our brunch activity around your Christmas table this year. Invite your family to share how they’re really doing. Invite them to be vulnerable.
That’s it! An invitation to take a few minutes during this busy holiday season to take time to connect—and I believe it will be worth it. I bless you and I bless your connections to come! Finish off 2019 with vulnerability and enter 2020 with an open heart for even more!
Joyfully,
Lauren
