When God sends an angel

I woke up today feeling weak, tired, and defeated. Tears rolled down my cheeks so easily the past 24 hours. Hormones or the Holy Spirit, I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been awfully weepy. This morning, I had an appointment (a coffee date) with a volunteer I worked with at the job I quit and I was secretly dreading it. You know those days you just want to roll up the covers and stay in bed? That’s how I felt today. Having to show up, to listen, to function wasn’t on my radar. Running out the door, I said a quick prayer in the car. “Jesus, I need you. Please reveal your heart to me today.”

He sent Rosanna.

This petite, fiery Italian lights up a room. She is passionate and kind. She is driven and thoughtful. She’s someone you can let your shoulders down and breathe around. A life giver. Someone who sees your heart and loves you all the more for it. Being around her was a breath of fresh air. Jesus brought her a message for me. “Be strong. All those toxic people — they’re not meant to be in your life. You don’t have to bend over backward to make them happy. Rather, let God have them and stay away.” This is so foreign to me. Always the rescuer. Always the one to save the world. Stay away? But they need me. Don’t they?

It’s not about me. It’s not about me at all. I am not the rescuer. I am not the savior. A few years ago, my counselor showed me this picture of two yards. Everyone has his/her own yard and contained within it is a person’s responsibilities, feelings, actions and consequences. Everyone is responsible for his/her own yard. Well, I have a tendency to “jump yards.” If people aren’t feeling happy, it is my job to give them my happiness. If people are grumpy, it is my job to give them my joy. If people are downright mean, it is my job to give them Jesus. What I never realized is that the people I “saved” pretty much stayed unhappy, grumpy and mean. And I was left feeling tired, joyless and anxious. What was I missing?

There’s a Bible verse that I thought was neat, but never really understood. “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs” (Matthew 7:6). I always thought this verse was funny because my mom and I call guys “dogs” (not all of them, but you know the kind I’m talking about). It is beneficial not to give a “dog” your heart because it will be broken. In a larger sense, I think Jesus is talking about sharing the good news of His Kingdom. We’re responsible for sharing His love with everyone, yes, but we are not responsible for people’s reactions. What’s in our yard and what’s in theirs? If someone continues to trample us, we do not need to go back to him/her over and over. It’s okay to let them go and pray.

My counselor said this week, “Sometimes the best place for someone to be is in God’s hands.” Now, we’re always in God’s hands, but if you’re like me, I hold on to people. I hold tight. I don’t let God have them until I’ve done everything I can to help, rescue, fix and change them. I’m slowly learning now that I am not the hero. But God is. He knows their heart. He knows exactly what they need. And I can trust Him.

This is the year of letting go. Of releasing control. Of rest. Letting go and surrendering to God. Releasing control to a God who already has it. And resting in a God whose entire essence is loving kindness.

Joyfully,
Lauren